Maybe it’s just me but I feel unstable in my own predicament. With “the pause”, it makes me wonder, what will unpause the situation? With the lack of work, what will get me work? With the issues in my life, will I feel happy when things go back to normal, or am I just having a life transition without the usual oil to make things go smoothly.

Change is important. That I know. And knowing the next step is equally important. I’ve known what I’ve wanted to be, be with, and have for years but now I’m feeling lethargic about it as a whole. Nothing happens correctly and I feel like I’m being jerked around, out of control, and following what everyone else wants me to do.

When will the world bend to my needs? At the very least, be normal. I’m talented, I’m smart. I can excel fast. But until then I’m forced to either do nothing, or do what I don’t want to do. A real shitty situation.